Buying Your Wife Underwear for Christmas? Top Insider Tips for C

My husband is the recipient of loving looks, no nagging, lots of conjugal rights and can go to the pub anytime he likes and oh yes he goes on lots of boys' weekends with me smiling sweetly. How does he do this when he is married to a feisty, strong willed, determined wife of 21 years? Read on to find out how to earn 20,000 brownie points and be in the good books until March. Get her present just right and you will be only one of 2% of the male population. You will be rewarded by no nagging for a week, lots of affection and more importantly be allowed to do whatever you like over Christmas.

There is always the added bonus that every time she goes into her underwear drawer she will smile and think loving thoughts about how caring and sensitive you are. Men are good at taking short cuts and see things simply, are focused and to the point. So why then does buying underwear, the ultimate gift in the eyes of a woman go so wrong? Black, lacy, raunchy, tarty underwear is the biggest mistake known to man, yet this practice continues each Christmas despite the sulking, nagging and disdain we bestow on you.

Panic buying is at the heart of the problem and giving little thought to the outcome and consequences.

There are husbands and boyfriends all over the country who will leave buying their loved ones Christmas present until Christmas Eve. They then usually have 3 options whilst controlling the panic that will follow after 2 hours of fruitless shopping whilst attracting pitying looks from the shop assistants desperate to finish for Christmas.

Option 1 - Panic buy perfume that is nothing like her favourite scent from the most good looking assistant who smiles at you. - We hate this.

Option 2 - Panic buy underwear that only a woman of dubious morals would wear and that will make her feel like mutton dressed as lamb and silly. Usually this has holes in all the wrong places and is black and red! - We hate this.

Option 3 - Panic buy a piece of kitchen equipment that she already has - this is worse than option 2 and makes her feel as sexy as a dinner lady resembling Nora Batty. - We really hate this.

TOP TIPS (Print off this article and tick off as you do the actions)


Plan to shop a month before Christmas and put this date in your diary, iPhone or PC: 23rd November

Take note of her body shape and find a picture in her bikini from holiday photos

Find her favourite bra when it is in the wash and cut out the label for the size

Go online and search for expensive French underwear makes, become familiar with different styles and shapes and prices. After you have fallen over with shock that the price for bra and panties exceeds 3 figures remember the brownie points or visit Tesco website ladies clothing section and they do some fabulous versions at a tenth of the price.

If you choose Tesco then print off the picture and ask any female relative to buy this for you. However this does not compare with a beautifully gift wrapped, extravagant gesture from the lingerie shop.

Do not wander aimlessly around department stores in the underwear department it is creepy and wrong.

Find on Google an expensive local lingerie specialist shop

On the 23rd November visit the lingerie shop and take your photos, bra label, budget and listen to the advice given. The shop will be quiet, discreet and the shop owner will be a master amateur psychologist adept at making you feel comfortable and in control.

Ask her to gift wrap this and keep until you can collect on the 24th December.

A contingency plan if this does go wrong or that she exceeds a size 18 and does NOT want underwear is to visit Argos and order her the latest iPhone. Don't forget to charge this before wrapping and upload your photograph on and transfer all her numbers from her old mobile. This should achieve the same number of brownie points and a peaceful loving Christmas.